haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
