I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He shit in the fireplace
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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