Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
