So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
