Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
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He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
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Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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