Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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