so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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