I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
