here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
