Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
