no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
