ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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