why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
