I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
