So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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