I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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