Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
