If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
