Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
