Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
