My Higher Power is John Stamos
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
