i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I want her autograph on my taint
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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