I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
