so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
its not stalking. its research.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
