My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
