I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
