Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
