i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
