Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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