It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
