His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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