Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
