sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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