i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
