i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
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