Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
