Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
There's always time for handjobs
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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