OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
