It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
