This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
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How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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