I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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