Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
