No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
