Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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