it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i came on her dog
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
