This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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