soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
