Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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