between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
