apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He passed out mid-signature
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
