So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
