brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
