So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
