I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I checked into jail on foursquare
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
