i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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