Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It's shark week go big or go home
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
