no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
