woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
