I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
