There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
