Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
