those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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