So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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