Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
