went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
it was like eating out sand paper
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
