i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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