Sry I called you an 8
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
