and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
