Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
