Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
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We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
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Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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