oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
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