getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
