dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
