I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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